I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
there is puke in my bra ... again
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