Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
