What did we do last night that was yellow?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
