Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
