Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
