I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
