using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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