Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
