Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
