my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
