the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize