i just wanna soil my oats bro
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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