Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize