i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
