youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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