when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
