I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
