pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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