so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
