omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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