matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
