I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
birth control should be required to get into college
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
