ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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