we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I need a burrito and a hug.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
