Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
