We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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