her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
