Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
OPIZZABONMYDICK
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
