I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
