fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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