oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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