I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
