you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
