I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
