just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
