She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
