If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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