you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
