I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
