you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
