Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
