Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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