I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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