If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
