A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
