Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
