he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
