Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
