Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
