dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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