please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
