Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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