my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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