So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
