its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize