Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
