My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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