she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
