i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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