I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
