Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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