Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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