Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
