i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
