she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
