If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
