i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I need a beard to bite.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
