I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
